I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
