Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
