He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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