I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
