I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
