I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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