Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
