I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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