Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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