see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
