She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
be right there i have to get my cape
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
