i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
