I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
