For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
