That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
