I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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