Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
