I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
