We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
