He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
