People in love make me want to vomit
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
