jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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