I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
