Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
