he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
