I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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