I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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