Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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