im about as happy as oj after his trial
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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