i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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