i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
