omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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