Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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