but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
