my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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