i used baking grease as lip gloss
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
