i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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