fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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