My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
