last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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