I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
