oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize