it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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