I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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