i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
