I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alive.
So much puke
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
