How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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