I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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