I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
