She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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