LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
