Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
