I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
