Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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