I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
