ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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