you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
