3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
